Whenever they ask at the hospital or pharmacy if I’m alergic to anything I always say ‘no, but I’m open to new experiences’. Louise has long since tired of my daft jokes, but I just carry on telling them regardless. They’re like a sort of defence. A way of coping with all the medical hullaballo and showing I’m still buyoant and meeting all the challenges cancer throws at me. Mind you, I don’t know what I’d do if I actually discovered an new allergy.
But life throws lots of things our way and we’d find it harder to cope if we didn’t have a sense of ownership. Being able to achieve any sort control is important, even if it’s only an illusion.
The same applies to our appointment this morning with the surgeon who’ll be operating on my liver and to a lesser extent the marathon I didn’t complete yesterday.
It’s my first DNF, the first marathon I Did Not Finish, so one of those new experiences I joke about. At around the 3 mile mark. I had agonizing abdominal spasms and had to stop. It was very frustrating, but it was the right decision- I couldn’t carry on. I sat on the grass by the docks in Preston and struggled to speak. It must have been worrying for my mate Sam who was running with me.
Eventually the pain lessened and I was able to walk to meet Louise who’d come to picked us up. I’ve had stomach cramps like this before, so I don’t think it has anything to do with the cancer in my liver. It’s a strange, the pain spreads throughout my abdominal muscles and winds me. It’s never happened during a marathon before, but I’m glad Sam was wih me.
My stomach muscles still feel a little a little vulnerable. There’s a twinge there and I’m not sure whether I can trust my body. I’ll take it easy though. I won’t be hammering it in the gym until I’m right again.
But running isn’t life or death and our visit to Royal Blackburn Hospital this morning is far more important. We’re both pretty nervous. It’s our first meeting with the surgeon. It’s been more than three weeks since we found out my cancer has spread. It feels like a long time to wait before speaking to someone about surgery. But we feel lucky I’m able to have surgery and it’s going to be great to get some answers today.
It’ll be my third surgery, but my first since I started running marathons. It’ll be another fab first. I hope to recover more quickly than my last surgery four years ago. I’m tougher, fitter and stronger than ever before and what a great experience it will be to run a marathon once I’ve mended.
We are fundraising for three amazing cancer charities: Beating Bowel Cancer, Mummy’s Star and Rosemere Cancer Foundation. Thanks so much for all your donations so far.
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